wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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