One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
