Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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