Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
