I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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