that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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