Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
The uberlube is also flammable
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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