Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
