Someone shit on the floor
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize