I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
