i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
