another moral hangover. fuck.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
