Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
