i just google imaged poop.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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