I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize