I love black thongs
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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