I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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