I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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