yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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