I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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