The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
