operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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