I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
