Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
