Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
