he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
