note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
