I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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