and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
