just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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