I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
