Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
