It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
