Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Shame - the story of my life.
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