...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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