I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
