so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
