She is in my trunk
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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