We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
