we have officially lost it.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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