so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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