i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
