he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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