Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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