i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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