dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
