she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
