wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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