my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He? As in you personified your dick?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
