i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
