Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
