everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You've changed since you got that strap on
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
