just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
