listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
