Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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