My first STD was from a foam party
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
