So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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