Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
