I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
