I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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