I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
