dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize