Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
