1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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