Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
