The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
